I Am No Longer A Child
by Lillebule
Summary: The night at La Falourdel’s when Esmeralda meets Phoebus. Phoebus actually succeeds in “deflowering” Esmeralda. She finds the experience to be painful and unloving. Phoebus leaves before Esmeralda wakes up, but a certain someone else is there.
1. Chapter 1

I Am No Longer A "Child."

Got the idea for this fic while waiting for a guy to call and got to thinking about my past relationships and just when I started REALLY understanding men.

Summary: The night at La Falourdel's when Esmeralda meets Phoebus. Phoebus actually succeeds in "deflowering" Esmeralda. She finds the experience to be painful and unloving. Phoebus leaves before Esmeralda wakes up, but a certain someone else is there.

As this is book based all characters and what not belong to Victor Hugo.

Constructive criticism is greatly accepted…flames/rants not so much. Please review whether you like it or not.

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After Phoebus left Jehan to wallow in his own drunkenness he checked to make certain that he had saved some coin to pay for the room. Finding the few coins he strutted along in a triumphant air, smiling and thinking of the girl who would be waiting for him.

"Captain Phoebus De Chateaupers?"

Phoebus, in his own intoxicated bliss barely heard his name being said.

"Captain Phoebus De Chateaupers?"

The voice repeated itself and this time an arm reached out to grab hold of the captain's arm.

"Mon Dieu!"

Phoebus shouted as he grabbed his sword and turned around.

"Who are you and what do you mean by accosting the Captain of the king's royal archers in the street?"

"I know where you are going and the end result does not look good…"

The hand relaxed and fell away from the captain's shoulder, but Phoebus still stood ready to put up a fight.

"That is where you are wrong!"

Phoebus smirked and chuckled, thinking about the gypsy girl who would become worried and more ready for him if he were late.

"You have a rendez-vous with a girl."

"That is correct."

Phoebus made no argument with the beings statement and casually sheathed his sword, ensuring that his hand was on the hilt.

"This girl's name is…"  
"Smeralda!"

Phoebus didn't let the being finish, and as he said the girl's name he realized how it affected him.

"State your business, or else let me be off to my rendez-vous."

Phoebus was growing impatient and wanted to relieve the heated feeling in his loins. Not knowing what else to say the odd being allowed the captain to walk on.

"She is a witch from Hell!"

The being shouted after the captain in a raspy voice, before ducking back into the darkness and following close behind him.

Phoebus paid no more heed to the odd encounter, nor did he realize that he was being followed. His mind was on the girl and what he was about to enjoy.

Esmeralda stood, waiting in the spot he had chosen for them to meet. She was giddy, nervous and wringing her lovely hands in anticipation! He had asked her to meet him, perhaps to run away somewhere and live forever in one another's arms. Her eyes were dreamy and her thoughts were only of the handsome "Sun-God" who she hoped would pronounce his love for her and…there he was! She saw him approaching and a wide grin overtook her face.

"I hope I did not keep you waiting too long my dear."

Phoebus took her hand in his, smiling with satisfaction at how she gazed up at him.

"Oh!"

She blushed and turned away, fearing that if she had said "yes" he would not love her.

"I do not mind waiting for you my captain."

Her voice was honey, her smile was dreamy and infinite.

"Why don't we find a more comfortable setting so that we may talk?"

He brought her hand to his lips, again causing her face to become crimson and her thoughts to become giddy with love.

She giggled, nodding her head.

"Yes."

With that she allowed the captain to lead her up to an inn. Phoebus wrapped at the door and as soon as the old crone, Madame La Falourdel answered he shoved a few coins into her hand. He did not bother stopping to chat, or tell the woman what room he and his lady friend would be taking. He had other things on his mind.

Once alone with the lovely girl, Phoebus became uneasy. She seemed not to know what was going on. He sensed an odd aura of chastity surrounding her, which made him all the more excited.

"My dear, tell me how many lovers have you had?"

He took a seat next to her on a well worn pallet, allowing his arm to snake around her waist.

"My goodness none! It is the amulet sir. I must remain pure, as if I do not it will not be pure. And if it is no longer pure, then I will never find my parents."

A small tear trickled down her cheek.

"But that does not matter now that I am with you my Phoebus!"

With the thought of being this damsel's first in his head, Phoebus became emboldened and placed his other arm around her to loosen her belt. She would be a sweet conquest, loving and pliant in his arms and he would promise her anything to take what no other man had ever gotten.

"Tell me what it will be like when we are married."

She sighed longingly as she gazed into his lusty eyes.

"When we are married?"

He laughed, but quickly stopped when he saw the sadness his laughter brought to such an astonishing face.

"My dear Smernarda…Similar…Smeneda…Forgive me my dear, but you have such an odd name!"

Esmeralda frowned, thinking her name beautiful for it's rarity.

"It is a trifle my love! I shall get it right once I know it by heart. But marriage is nothing! It is two people standing before a priest and having Latin babbled at them. Does it make anyone less loving if they do not marry?"

He assured the answer would be "no" by kissing the girl's lips and smiling.

"No…"

"Would you cease loving me if I were opposed to marriage?"

He kissed her lips again, relishing how flushed she looked after his lips touch hers a second time.

"I could never stop loving you my captain!"

She flung her arms around his neck and he saw the moment opportune to begin loosening her belt.

"When we are together you will be the happiest girl alive! You will see how I love you…"

"What are you doing?"

His hands had startled the poor creature and her arms retreated.

"You must discard this odd dress when you are with me my dear."

His lips found his way to her soft neck, as his hands found their way to the strings of her bodice.

"Oh my Phoebus! Tell me how much you love me!"

Phoebus smiled in great satisfaction as the girl's bodice slipped away and her blouse became loose, allowing his sight to latch onto her bare shoulders and the tops of her breasts.

He breathing was becoming labored and came in short pants, her face was flushed and tears teemed down her cheeks as she gazed up at the captain, pleading with him silently.

"My dear you are the angel of my live!"

Saying this he knelt on bended knee and took her waist in his hands.

"I have loved none, but thee! My heart belongs to you."

He had practiced this same speech on so many like occasions that he knew it by heart and could recite it all in one breath.

"May the Devil take me if I do not prove my love for you tonight!"

So saying this, he ripped the blouse from the girl's fine bosom to reveal to round orbs of flesh. Without hesitation his eyes latched onto the sight and drank in her perfectly erect pink nipples. She had been so consumed in his speech that she barely realized what he had done. She hastily cover herself with her arms and looked away to avoid his gaze. It puzzled Phoebus as to how such a girl could be so modest.

"Ah! My dear Similar you are the most lovely girl I have ever laid eyes upon. Do not feel shame, for love is not a shameful thing."

He cupped her chin in his hand and gently turned her to face him.

"Forgive me Phoebus. It is the amulet…It will lose it's power…I will never find my mother…"

She attempted to reach for her blouse, but Phoebus coldly drew back.

"I see that you do not love me!"

Phoebus sneered and turned away, hoping that she would take the bait.

"I do not love him?"

New tears began to well up in her eyes.

"Of course I love you Phoebus!"

She threw her arms around the captain, begging him not to leave her.

With that Phoebus became incredibly bold and backed her up against the bed.

"I do not believe you my sweet. You must prove to me that you love me."

Esmeralda bit her lip, unaware of what he meant.

"I do not know what you mean."

Phoebus had begun removing his belt and doublet, preparing for the romp he was about to enjoy.

Esmeralda sat dumb, on the bed, holding her amulet in her hand and crying.

Once he had removed his hose he pressed his lips to hers, letting his tongue slide into her mouth and rub against hers.

"Promise me first that you love me…"

She whispered as she felt him removing her skirt.

He never answered. She remembered only something being shoved into her painfully, crying out his name and begging him to stop. She vaguely remembered crying and after a while she just blacked out. This was not the loving night she had envisioned with her sweet captain. This was something horrifying and bad. This was a sweating, panting man above her asking her how good it was feeling to have him inside her. This was some snide, arrogant bastard grabbing her breast too hard and slamming into her. This was nothing more than sex for his enjoyment.

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That was chapter 1. The full story is so long that it is in chapters...otherwise it would just be the page that doesn't end. The next chapter will be posted once I get some reviews.


	2. Chapter 2

Because of You…

Recap: Phoebus has succeeded in "deflowering" Esmeralda and she didn't enjoy the experience.

Summary: Phoebus leaves while Esmeralda is asleep and some strange man enters the room and carries her off. She wakes in a strange environment and starts looking for her captain, but he is nowhere to be found.

After Phoebus had released her, Esmeralda slid to the side of the bed and curled up. She did not want to see him, she did not want to know that he was still there. All she wanted was to cry, but she was too exhausted and in too much pain. Phoebus had rolled over onto his back, sighing and in bliss. He rarely shared a bed with a virgin, as they always required so much effort. But this one had been an easy conquest; she loved him and all he had to do was make her believe that if she didn't pleasure him he wouldn't love her. He smiled knowing that he was her first and that tomorrow he would be gone…he had no obligation to her and she would feel obligated to him. In that moment he felt more masculine than ever!

On the other side of the bed Esmeralda shivered and tried to bring herself to turn and look at the captain. The once handsome face had become vile and distorted. The vision of the "Sun-God" had faded and was now overcast. He made her stomach churn and her blood run cold. She wanted someone to reach out and comfort her, but she did not want it to be him. She looked down at her thighs, which now ached and there was an indescribable ache between her legs that would not go away and remembered how painful it had felt. She had wanted him to hold her, to caress her, to rub against her and make her swoon. He had done none of that and now all she felt was overwhelming anxiety and the overpowering of sleep.

While she slumbered, Phoebus found the moment right to dress quickly. He did not want to be there when she woke up. He would be obligated to make sure she was alright and he would be obligated to comfort her. He was not that kind of a man. He had no time to hold her and listen to her sob. He had other women who were more important to tend to. Upon dressing he made certain to leave as silently as he could. As he descended the stairs a cloaked man passed him and eyed him suspiciously. Phoebus could feel the man's eyes bear into his soul in an accusatory manor. Phoebus left the inn and the cloaked figure entered the room where the now sleeping Esmeralda lay.

As the cloaked figure entered the room he immediately noticed that the girl was nude, a sight which made him quiver with ecstasy. And then it struck him; if she was lying here nude, then she was no longer pure. But the captain had left, leaving her as though she didn't matter. The cloaked figure ran his hand over her body, causing her to tense and he could hear barely audible whispers stem from her lips.

"Please…Phoebus…Tell me that you love me…"

These words were heart wrenching and made the cloaked figure want to wake her and hold her in his arms while she cried. There would be time for that later. The cloaked figure could tell that the girl was under a lot of stress and that she was frightened and all he wanted was to take all of that away and make her happy. He gently wrapped her up in the sheets, so that no one else would see her in her extremity and then he lifted her, cradling her in his arms. She was surprisingly light and in her state she made no effort to refuse…in fact, she was still asleep! The figure took notice as to how small and warm her body was. She was so vulnerable and he made the decision that she needed him, whether she knew it or not he knew what was best for her.

With ease the cloaked figure carried her down the stairs and outside. He already knew where he would take her and he wanted to be there when she awoke. He carried her up to his cell and placed her on a make-shift bed. He had purchased several sheets and pillows to make her slumber as comfortable as possible. He would allow her to awake in her own time and on her own terms. With trembling lips he implanted a kiss on her forehead.

Unsure of how long the process of waking would take for this small child, the cloaked figure went about his usual business and was careful not to jar her from her sleep. Her waking to him would have to be a natural experience and not forced. She would have to get used to waking and seeing his face, as he planned on keeping her here for as long as possible.

During intervals of waiting for her to open her eyes and reading, he would sit down beside her and lightly place a hand on her arm, or push a strand of hair from her face. She reminded him of his brother when he was younger. She was so small and held so much hope and joy! No, she was innocence incarnate, no matter what that captain had done to her. She was a little girl, nothing more than a sweet and harmless child in his eyes now. She needed his protection and care and he was more than willing to give her anything she asked for.

From time to time her lips would part, he would lean to hear her words. They were inane babblings of how she wanted Phoebus to hold her, or how she wanted him to tell her he loved her. But the captain had left her and now she was in this cell with a strange man who did not speak a word to answer her when she spoke in her sleep.

It had been a taxing day for the sleeping child and the figure hated the idea of leaving her. She might wake to find herself alone and she might become frightened and leave. But the figure had duties to attend and only hoped that they would be finished before she awoke. He kissed her cheek before leaving the room and was sure to lock the door. He did not need his brother wandering in and taking advantage of the young and lovely girl in her state.

Hours passed before Esmeralda cautiously opened her eyes. Her head felt funny, her body ached all over and she was startled at seeing her new surroundings. Had Phoebus carried her off to his home? Surely a nobleman such as he would have a much finer dwelling by far! She cringed at the sight of scribbles on the walls and skeletons on the ceiling. She whimpered as she attempted to stand, but found it too painful. Her eyes darted around for Phoebus, but the fact that he was out of sight made her shake from the cold. She grabbed some sheets and wrapped them around her small figure. She felt around the bed for her skirt and blouse, but they like the captain had disappeared. The door was opening and she tentatively let a word slip from her lips.

"Phoebus…?"

As she did not know where she was, she did not know who to expect and more to the point what their intentions would be. She gasped, seeing a man dressed all in black with a hood covering his face enter.

"Where is he?"

She didn't bother to control her sobs. She was frightened and the man she had loved was gone.

The figure who entered had not thought of any explanation for what happened to the captain. He knelt down to Esmeralda's eye level and pushed back a few strands of hair from her face.

"I do not know. He left you in the bed without even so much as a 'good-bye.'"

The cloaked figure felt pity for her and removed his hood.

She vaguely recognized the man before her. She had seen him before; he would show up to watch her dance from time to time, but never seemed to utter a kind word to her. And then, without even realizing it tears were flowing down her face.

"Why did you make him go away?"

The man placed his arms around her and she curled her tiny hands into small fists to beat against his chest. The beating was nothing more than a few hard taps on his chest, something he could easily bear.

"Hush my sweet child…"

He stroked her hair and wiped away a few of the tears which had reached her chin.

"Tell me what you were doing with that man, so that I may gain a full understanding of how I should tell you what needs to be said."

She found it odd that this man, whom she thought hated her was so inviting and wanted nothing more than to hold and comfort her.

She took her time in explaining what had happened and that all she wanted was for Phoebus to come back and tell her that he loved her. She was a lovesick little girl, scared and confused as to what had really happened.

The strange man held her close to his chest and she found herself oddly thankful to him.

"My dear child he took complete advantage of you! He has left you to pursue another and I assure you that he has no intention of ever seeing you again."

The strange man added that last part with a small air of triumph, but the moment ended when he felt the small girl shove him away.

"Don't say that!"

She now looked up at this man with pure hate in her eyes. She was so childlike…one moment obliviously happy and then the next deliriously sad.

"Did he tell you that he loved you?"

Esmeralda looked down and bit her lip, unsure of what to say.

"Did you want him to…"

The man suddenly noticed her furrowing her brow and her eyes began to well up with tears once again.

"I asked him to stop…I told him…that he was hurting me, but he kept hurting me and…"

"Oh! My lovely chil-"

"Don't call me that!"

All of a sudden she snapped at him.

"I have a name and you don't have to continue calling me that."

The man did not feel any anger at this sudden outburst. He saw that she was wounded and that Phoebus had taken something of value from her, something that could never be replaced. He saw that she wanted someone to take her in their arms and truly love her. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

In a state of utter shock all she could do was press her hands against his chest in an attempt to shove him away. There was something completely different between this kiss and all of the ones Phoebus had imprinted upon her. This kiss was soft and warm. It was strong without being forceful and she preferred it to the captain's. That was the most horrid part!

"Chi…Esmeralda I love you."

At these words all went dark and the last thing she felt was someone placing her down on the bed.


	3. Chapter 3

The Book of Love…

Authors note: This is not strictly an Esmeralda/Phoebus story. It has more to do with the impact that Phoebus had on Esmeralda and that since he was her first she will compare all others to him and basically use him as a yard stick to measure the worth of other me. This story may become more graphic as time goes on and may be moved to the "Mature" section. This is more of just an Esmeralda fic, though other characters will show up throughout. This has more to do with her view of men after losing her virtue.

Recap of chap 1: Phoebus "deflowers" Esmeralda and she doesn't enjoy it.

Recap of chap 2: A cloaked figure brings Esmeralda to a strange place and comforts her…and then tells her he loves her and she faints.

Summary for chap 3: Esmeralda awakens and begins studying this strange man.

As this is book based all characters and what not belong to Victor Hugo.

Constructive criticism is greatly accepted…flames/rants not so much. Please review whether you like it or not.

* * *

The strange man waited a short while for his love to awaken once again. He understood that the day had been quite taxing on her and that she must be exhausted. He also realized that in his hurry to bring her here that he had forgotten to grab her clothing. He blushed at the thought of her still being nude and then smiled lustfully at the same thought. He would have to find her something to wear for the time being. Before leaving the small cell he kissed her forehead and locked the door. This was becoming a ritual and he did not mind it at all.

For some time the man perused the lovely fabrics of skirts and blouses, imagining what his sweet gypsy girl would look like in them, which led to the imaginings of how it would feel taking them off of her. She had the softest skin! These garments by comparison were rough and stiff. He at last compiled a bundle of fine silk skirts, soft satiny bodices and finely woven cotton blouses that he was sure would suit her beautifully.

While he was gone, Esmeralda had once again opened her eyes. She began to look around the room in an attempt to figure out who the strange man was. The first thing to always catch her eye were the odd scribblings on the walls. They were beautiful to look at, but they were written in a language she did not understand. Some of these scribblings appeared to have been written by someone going through a great torment and others seemed to have been calmly calculated. They were impressive none the less. She found vials and powders, stones and gems which she picked up and held in her dainty hands. Some of the rocks glittered while others were transparent and illuminated the room in hues of blue, red and yellow. The yellow reminded her of the sun, which quickly reminded her of Phoebus. Her heart sank and she looked down at the apex of her thighs to see blood stains; her blood. She would never find her parents, the amulet was no good. Everything had been tainted. She felt a growing rage and allowed the new emotion to course through her body and threw the stones at the door.

"I hate you!"

She shouted at the memory of Phoebus. And then she sat back down on the bed and decided that the strange man who was keeping her here must been a doctor of medicine. What other purpose could powders and liquids hold for a man? She dared not touch such foreign objects, as they might upset whatever medicine he was making. Instead she went about the room looking at the books and feeling the thin pages slip through her hands. They were large volumes with small letters and handwritten notes along the margins of each page. As he was a doctor, these books must be about diseases and how to treat them…how to heal the wounded and sick. He must be a good man.

She mused over his attitude towards her. One minute he was the man who shouted curses at her while she danced and the next he was a kind doctor who had comforted her and reassured her that everything was going to be fine. Honestly she did not know what to make of such a man. He had held he, he had kissed her and then he had told her he loved her. She had seen his face, but only briefly. She had not had the time to study his features to decide whether or not he was handsome. As the door creaked open she knew that she was about to get her chance.

"I am very happy to see that you are awake my dear child."

The moment he uttered that last word she frowned and he remembered that she did not want to be called a child any longer.

"I am no longer a child!"

She pouted and scolded him, which in his depraved mind was seen as adorable.

"My dear Esmeralda…"

He had entered carrying a bundle of fabrics and a basket of food. He set the basket down on the desk and bent to offer the bundle of fabric to the girl.

For a moment she stared at him questioningly.

"They are clothes my sweet one. In the rush to bring you here I forgot to gather your skirt and blouse. These will be better than that sheet you have been holding to keep yourself covered."

She tentatively took the bundle and then gave him a queer look.

"Where am I to dress?"

The man looked around…there was a wall partition she could go behind it. He pointed in that direction, she looked through the pile and found a black skirt, cream colored blouse and green bodice that looked lovely to her. She gathered these items in her arms and went behind the partition to dress. Meanwhile the man sat, knowing that if he were to stand he would be tempted to do what Phoebus had done and he did not want his sweet love to be frightened by him. He wanted her to be completely safe and he wanted her to come to him. For now he would only imagine the bed sheet slipping to the floor with a light thud; her tanned and strong legs holding her up, a skirt skimming over them and her slightly rounded hips…her full, round chest being covered by an annoying blouse and a girdle to encase her graceful and already slender waist. It hurt him to think of her dressing so near to him.

"Patience Claude…"

He whispered to himself, knowing that he had to give her time.

The girl stepped out from behind the wall and he could only stare in awe at how perfect she looked.

"Thank you."

She looked down, as she could not bring herself to look her kind benefactor in the eye.

Claude smiled and motioned for the girl to sit back on the bed.

Esmeralda obliged, as she did not want to anger him. They were alone and she doubted that the door was unlocked.

She now had the opportunity to study him. He wore only black…one mass of cloth, sack like with dried blood stains and holes everywhere. He was taller and thin, his skin was pale and weathered but not wrinkled. His mouth was small, his nose was haughty and his forehead broad. Her eyes fell to his. They were so strong and did not waiver under her scrutiny. They were an odd color, like the sky after a light rain; gray with hints of blue. She stood and carefully approached him.

"What is your name?"

She gulped and asked him politely.

"My name?"

The stir in silence shocked him back to reality. Esmeralda nodded, letting him know that she was listening.

"My name is Claude Frollo."

It was not a pretty name, like "Phoebus," but it was very poetic for its peculiarity.

She repeated the name to herself and in a hushed tone.

"Claude Frollo…"

At this he smiled with content. His name on her lips sounded like an angel reciting poetry! He wanted to hear it a thousand times more and he his smile grew when he knew he would.

The name seemed to match the eyes; dark and mysterious with hints of compassion and complete passion, intelligent and at times hard. They were chunks of granite that seemed to search her soul. He did not have blond hair, sky blue eyes and in general he was not Phoebus. But she was finding him to be handsome, despite the fact that he was not her captain.

"Why did you bring me here?"

Her voice was barely audible, but Claude could make out what she was saying by the movement of her pretty red lips.

"My dear, would you have rather woken in that room of assignation to find the captain gone and be branded a harlot? I brought you here to avoid all that."

At the time he truly did believe that what he was doing was right.

"I adore you Esmeralda and I never want for any woe to befall you."

It was as though he had two personalities. One moment his voice was rough and stern, the next it was soft and made her feel something new for this bizarre man, this Claude Frollo.

She became puzzled as to how he knew where to find her and what he was now planning to do with her.

Claude knelt down and tilted her head up slightly, so that she was looking into his eyes, his breath dancing across her lips sent shivers down her spine and something expanded inside her. He placed a gentle kiss on her rosy mouth, which left her dazed.

"But you are not Phoebus."

She whispered against his lips, tears again welling up in her dark eyes. As he pulled away she saw him knit his brow.

"No, I am not and I never intend to be anything like him."

Even she no longer knew if she still wanted Phoebus to love her. He was handsome and golden, but he had forced himself on her. Yes, she wanted him to love her, but not in that manner. This man before her was doing all of the things Phoebus should have done, but still he was not Phoebus.

"What do you want?"

She turned her head and looked him in the eye as he stood. It was a blatant question, one that took Claude by surprise.

"I…I…You see my lovely chi…My lovely one…Oh! That is difficult to explain."

He knew what he wanted, but explaining it seemed to be the more difficult task. He knew that he could not rush in and take what he wanted; then he would be no different than the captain and she would hate him.

Esmeralda nodded, seeming to understand what he meant.

"Is that what all men want?"

It was a backhanded question, not directed to him in particular. It was more of a musing which permeated past her lips. Claude looked down and shuffled his feet. He wanted "that," but he also wanted her to love him. He wanted her arms around him and her lips pressed against his. He wanted to hear her say his name in that never ending blissful phrase! He wanted her to never leave. He wanted her just the way she was, even without ever doing "that." Being near her was like being near an angel; she took away every impurity and lit up the gloomy room without ever knowing it. Though she hated being called such a name, in his eyes she was still a child.

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On that note, this is chapter 3 and there are still 0 reviews. I don't know, but something seems a little off with that math. Review!!! You know you want to...


	4. Chapter 4

The More I See, The Less I know…

Recap of chap 1: Phoebus "deflowers" Esmeralda and she doesn't enjoy it.

Recap of chap 2: A cloaked figure brings Esmeralda to a strange place and comforts her…and then tells her he loves her and she faints.

Recap of chap 3: Esmeralda finds out a little about the man she is now with.

Summary for chap 4: Esmeralda begins a sort of introspection, thinking about the men that have been in her life. She begins pondering the intentions of this new man and makes a decision about him.

As this is book based all characters and what not belong to Victor Hugo.

Constructive criticism is greatly accepted…flames/rants not so much. Please review whether you like it or not.

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By now, night had fallen and Claude was asleep in a chair at his desk. He had restrained himself from sleeping in the bed with Esmeralda, as he did not wish to aggravate her further. Esmeralda was not asleep and she did not want to wake Claude. He seemed so at peace and like a little boy when he slept and she would rather not anger him by waking him. Instead she sat, staring up at the grim ceiling and was in heavy thought. Her thoughts were of men; how they treated her, which ones she liked and which ones she did not like. She thought about why she liked some men and why she did not like others. Her mind wandered to an odd thought, one that had never crossed her mind before and of a man she had taken for granted. Gringoire.

He had several quirks which at the time annoyed her greatly! He never seemed to shut up and he always went on these inane tangents about God only knew what. He ate constantly and spoke in verse. But there was a sweet and endearing side to him, one that she had not seen until now. On their "wedding night" he had not forced her to do anything. He had resigned himself to be her friend and only that. Perhaps he had hoped that she would one day look at him romantically and love him madly, but he was happy to have his health and he was glad for the companionship more than anything else. He had not gone on a jealous tirade after the captain or try to woo her. Though at times he annoyed her greatly, he was there when she needed him. He was not handsome, but he was not ugly either. He was average. Overall, he was a good man.

She closed her eyes, remembering how good the sun had felt on her skin and then quickly reopened them, as any thought of the sun reminded her of Phoebus. Oh God! What would Clopin say? He had watched her grow from a child…he had warned her against men. He would not be happy with this turn of events. She could already feel his hand ripping the small amulet from around her neck and telling her that she did not value her parents. At this she began to cry. Clopin, though often too busy to spend time with her was like a father to her. He protected her, he had slammed the door in the faces of men who had wanted her before. And yet he had never told her about this. He had never told her that at some point some man would take her and that she would judge other men by his actions. Actions…actions were what she ought to have paid attention to. She was too busy dreaming to the sound of Phoebus' voice and to his words that she gave little heed to his actions and she barely realized that at the time he had made her very uncomfortable. Clopin would comfort her and help her through this time. He was a decent man.

Her mind wandered to the man she had helped on the pillory. She had seen him before. He was a disgusting sight, but his voice was so gentle. He had tried to carry her off. Did that mean he too wanted to have his way with her? This idea made her stomach upset and she looked over at Claude who barely moved.

She remembered why she was here to begin with.

"Phoebus!"

It was a whisper filled with sobs. He was so gallant and handsome. He was her "Sun-God" and he was supposed to be all good things in this world. She had loved him and she had wanted to give herself to him. He had told her that she was beautiful and that he would make her happy. He had lied. She did not feel beautiful and she was not happy. He had made her feel like a broken plate…pieces scattered and unable to be mended. He was not a good man and yet she still loved him. She could no longer explain her love for him, as it was a corrosive and painful love.

And then, there was Claude. He seemed to be a good man. For the most part he was sweet and gentle and he cared deeply for her. He had kissed her a few times and each kiss felt better than the last. But, she could sense a fearsome and destructive side to him. He could easily overpower her and take whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted and yet, he was patient and caring. She was growing fond of him and felt something between her legs. It was wet; a new sensation that baffled her. It was his eyes! They were two kaleidoscopes, reflecting each color in a phenomenal pattern. They were so expressive and held a certain fire. He was extreme and he could be either extremely good, or extremely bad. In this moment she no longer cared. Marching over, she grabbed him by the face and cupped his cheeks in her hands. She leaned in swiftly and pressed her lips hard against his.

"I like you."

He had been awakened by the violent grab and his eyes widened under the kiss. He had not expected such a thing to happen, but as he reached out to place his arms around her waist and pull her in for a more pleasing kiss she pulled away and went back over to the bed. She knew what he wanted from her and she in some way wanted the same exact thing, but she was not about to give him everything he wanted just yet. She closed her eyes and smiled, as she realized that she could play any game the men could.

* * *

Up to 4 chapters now and still no reviews. Cookies for the first to review!!!


	5. Chapter 5

For You I Will Die…

Recap of chap 1: Phoebus "deflowers" Esmeralda and she doesn't enjoy it.

Recap of chap 2: A cloaked figure brings Esmeralda to a strange place and comforts her…and then tells her he loves her and she faints.

Recap of chap 3: Esmeralda finds out a little about the man she is now with.

Recap of chap 4: Esmeralda begins a sort of introspection, thinking about the men that have been in her life. She begins pondering the intentions of this new man and makes a decision about him.

Summary for chap 5: Claude is bewildered by Esmeralda's actions, Claude confesses what he feels for Esmeralda to her. Esmeralda sees Phoebus and becomes depressed.

As this is book based all characters and what not belong to Victor Hugo.

Constructive criticism is greatly accepted…flames/rants not so much. Please review whether you like it or not.

Claude found it difficult to go back to sleep. He was bewildered at how one minute she could be resting on the bed and then next she could kiss him and then turn away and go back to sleep. His loins were begging for more, his heart was asking for his mouth to confess what it was feeling and his head was too busy mediating the argument between the two. The kiss had been a bolt of lightning and he wondered if she wanted more. And just what did she mean by "I like you." It was a quick and loaded phrase, but it was not "I love you." That was the phrase he ultimately wanted to hear from her sweet lips. But he wanted her to say them first, otherwise he was not sure if she would say them back. The night was passing slowly now, as he was awake and thinking of her. He allowed his mind to wander and watched the sun rise. He allowed his ears to hear the bells being rung and even allowed himself to sit next to her and gently stroke her hair. In no time she placed her head in his lap and looked up at him.

"Claude, how did you know where to find me?"

Claude became nervous and every muscle in his body tensed at this question.

"I…"

"Were you watching me dance? Did you follow me?"

Her voice was full of curiosity and sweetness.

"I was not watching you dance. I was following my brother and he happened to be with the captain, who had mentioned your name…"

He decided to omit the fact that he had spoken to the captain in the street.

"I continued to follow the captain and when I saw you enter that place I was in a state of disbelief! I waited for him to leave, so that I could see if he had…"

Claude stopped there, as she already knew the rest and did not need to hear it.

"Sir, why were you so concerned?"

She lifted her head, so that their eyes met. She felt him suck in a rigid breath and his lips neared hers, but she pulled back.

"Esmeralda, you would not believe me if I told you! One day when I was reading…What was I reading then? Oh it matters little now. Anyways, one day while I was reading I heard the irritating sound of a tambourine. Vexed I looked out my window and then I saw an apparition. This swirling down in the Parvis was a mass of dark curls and spokes for feet. There were bangles in her hair, which gave the appearance of halo! 'An angel?' I thought, but then next to you was a goat…the devil's own beast! I had watched you dance on several occasions and on each occasion I found myself becoming more entranced, more charmed by you. I attempted to carry you here one night, but that braggart of a captain ruined the attempt."

He paused a moment and took another rigid breath. He noticed the girl backing away from him, caution in her eyes.

"That is not the most terrible part of it."

His voice became low and alarming. She had woken thinking him so kind and loving and now she found him detestable.

"I will tell you all. It has been in the small hours of night that I have barely confessed this to myself. I have thought of holding you close, feeling your flesh against mine and imagining what your form held by my arms would feel like. I felt a heat growing, my own personally fire ready and waiting for me in Hell and I was not even willing to quit such madness!"

He had begun to laugh ghoulishly, frightening the girl further. She inched away, backing against the wall but Claude followed on hands and knees. His hands grab hold of her feet, then her calves and now they were making their way up her legs. But then he stopped.

"It is torture day and night to see her brown skin heave and pant beneath the caresses of another! You do not know what I have suffered."

He placed his face close to hers and leaned, his lips against her ear.

"Do you know what it is to doubt that God exists and to revel in Hell's delight?"

He let his tongue slither along the outside of her ear and he could hear her breathing quicken. She was begging him to release her, sobbing with the memory of Phoebus and what he had done and now Claude was willing to do the same thing. But then he pulled away entirely and calmly went back over to his desk. She was shaking, knowing that this was a sign of things to come. She was sobbing, knowing that the kind man who had brought her here was only one extremity of his personality and now this was the other. She began wondering how long it would be before he would act on his desires and then her tears stopped altogether at the sound of hooves on the pavement below.

She hurriedly sprang to her feet and to the window to see what was happening. It was the captain. She felt her sink. She blankly removed herself from the window and with Claude watching on she crept over to the balustrade. Her face showed no emotion, the fire that normally lit her eyes was gone and Claude could see only a shell.

"Esmeralda."

He called to her, hoping to catch her attention. She was outside now, her breathing rocky and the only hint to life.

"Esmeralda?"

Claude watched as she placed both hands steadily on the rail.

"Esmeralda!"

He only now realized what she intended upon doing. Leaping from his seat just as she pushed herself onto the rail he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back. She made no effort to fight back, but collapsed in his arms causing them both to fall to the floor.

"Child do you not know what could have happened?"

His shouting at last jarred her from the suicidal stupor.

"I told you I am no longer a child!"

Claude felt his hand move of its own accord and felt her cheek beneath it, followed by a resounding "THWACK!"

"Until you accept things as they are you will be a child."

He grabbed her and embraced her tightly, pressing his fiery lips to her neck.

He did not understand, he could not understand what dying meant to her now. It mean never having to see Phoebus again, it meant never having a man's eyes wander lustfully over her for her to never again have to pretend that she could not tell what they were thinking. Death meant no more pain, no more words of love and sick obsessions.


	6. Chapter 6

You Must Love Me…

Recap of chap 1: Phoebus "deflowers" Esmeralda and she doesn't enjoy it.

Recap of chap 2: A cloaked figure brings Esmeralda to a strange place and comforts her…and then tells her he loves her and she faints.

Recap of chap 3: Esmeralda finds out a little about the man she is now with.

Recap of chap 4: Esmeralda begins a sort of introspection, thinking about the men that have been in her life. She begins pondering the intentions of this new man and makes a decision about him.

Recap of chap 5: Claude confesses what he has done to Esmeralda. Esmeralda attempts suicide.

Summary for chap 6: Esmeralda discovers a culmination of new emotion and new sensations.

Author's note: This chapter becomes mildly graphic, with Esmeralda imagining being the one in control. If you are opposed to the idea of a woman taking control in a sexual manner then please do not read this chapter. With that said, there is no actual sex scene in this chapter.

As this is book based all characters and what not belong to Victor Hugo.

Constructive criticism is greatly accepted…flames/rants not so much. Please review whether you like it or not.

* * *

Claude had dragged Esmeralda kicking and screaming back over to the bed. His hands were bleeding from her clawing at them in an attempt to get him to release her. She had shouted out his name, pleaded with him and he had ignored all. He had once thought her to be a demon come to ready his soul for Hell, but now he saw that she was just another human girl…an intoxicating human girl. Only a human would attempt suicide; what reason would an immortal being, such as a demon have for such an act? He held her, bracing her arms and was kissing her frantically with her screaming for him to stop.

"I will not stop! I love you and you will not do that. I cannot let you do that to yourself…it would be too painful for me to watch."

An epiphany was brewing in Esmeralda's mind. With men it was all about "me." It was all about him, his pleasure and what he wanted. She shook her head wildly to disagree with what Claude was saying. She wanted this moment to be about her and what she wanted, what she felt. And there were a lot of emotions that she was feeling. Scared: She was in a strange place and this man, Claude Frollo was claiming that he loved her. One moment he was incredibly kind and the next he was incredibly violent. Sad: She had just found out that all Phoebus wanted was to have sex with her and he forced himself on her. And she felt something new. It was a rising heat, an animalistic trait and it was toward Claude. It was a wet and sticky build up between her thighs that she had no name for. Or could it be the exact thing he was feeling? Lust. Some part of her, this new bolder part of her wanted him to grab hold of her and wrestle her onto the bed. Some part wanted a struggle of tongues rubbing against one another, dueling to see who would be dominant! And in her mind she saw him, imagined him bound and in a chair. It gave her a thrill! He would be begging for mercy and she would show none. She would seductively advance, dropping an article of clothing carelessly to the ground with every delicate step. His eyes would flutter, unable to believe what would be happening. His mouth would be agape, his head turning this way and that. And would he want it? Men liked being dominant, they did not want a woman to take control…they did not want women to enjoy such a loathsome act. He would want it, but not in that way. She could imagine herself ripping open that dark, coarse robe and exploring the wispy gray hairs left on his chest. He would be asking her to stop! And she would take great pride in this moment, it would be pleasing to see a man gravel and whimper for her to quit. She would continue on, grabbing his chin and squaring his jaw, pressing her lips to his, slowly allowing her tongue to slip passed his lips and explore, running her tongue along his teeth and smiling wickedly knowing that there would be nothing he could do to stop her. Hi hands would be tied to the arms of the chair, he would not be able to touch her until she released them. She would straddle his legs, lowering herself into his lap and then she would untie his hands and bring them up to hold and squeeze her breasts. She wanted him to squeeze her hard enough to make her yell! It would be delicious! She would promise him that she would play nice…she would lower her body and then her head into his lap, dragging her hair along his groin area. He would groan in pain and then she would leave him. She would not give him the full satisfaction of sex, no he would have to be a good boy and wait for that.

But that was all kept in her mind. She wanted his kind personality to come back and hold her again. She liked it when he held her and when he was calm. He looked down at her from the chair at his desk.

"What do you find so amusing that you need to stare at me so?"

He at last broke the silence.

"Do you really love me, or are you only saying that because you want something from me?"

Claude had to take a moment to ponder that. He did care about the girl and at length he formulated an answer he hoped would suffice.

"If there were a statue erected in your honor I would defy my own God and worship at the feet of your stature."

He slid down to her and made it a point to kiss her foot. He had already loved her enough to defy God to a certain extent, why not defy God completely.

She liked watching him slink and crawl to kiss her feet. It gave her the power to tell him to do anything and he would do anything for her willingly.


	7. Chapter 7

The Kind of Girl Guys Fantasize…

Recap of chap 1: Phoebus "deflowers" Esmeralda and she doesn't enjoy it.

Recap of chap 2: A cloaked figure brings Esmeralda to a strange place and comforts her…and then tells her he loves her and she faints.

Recap of chap 3: Esmeralda finds out a little about the man she is now with.

Recap of chap 4: Esmeralda begins a sort of introspection, thinking about the men that have been in her life. She begins pondering the intentions of this new man and makes a decision about him.

Recap of chap 5: Claude confesses what he has done to Esmeralda. Esmeralda attempts suicide.

Recap of chap 6: Esmeralda having a major epiphany about her own sexuality.

Summary for chap 7: Esmeralda blames Claude for not stopping Phoebus. More of Esmeralda's epiphany. She decides to see just how far she can take things with Claude without going all the way. She discovers how she can use him, but then things go wrong.

Author's note: This chapter contains some mild sexual content, including Esmeralda using Claude to figure out how she likes to be touched. With that said, there is no actual sex scene in this chapter.

On a lighter and semi-random note I feel compelled to say that all of the chapter titles are song lyrics. Sorry, ADD me made an appearance.

As this is book based all characters and what not belong to Victor Hugo.

Constructive criticism is greatly accepted…flames/rants not so much. Please review whether you like it or not.

* * *

After the day's events Claude plopped into his chair, ready for some well needed sleep. Esmeralda watched as his cloudy gray eyes drooped and they reminded her of a sunset after rain. An idea came to her; he loved her and she felt attracted to him. If that was all that was needed for a little physical indulgence, then she was ready to indulge. The question remained, "was he?" She had found something, a new power…the power to make men do things for her, to make them think certain ideas without having to deliver. And this wet feeling between her thighs was not going away on its own! It was like an illness and needed to be cured with the proper medicine and Claude was the right kind of medicine. She stood, realizing that Claude suffered the same illness.

"I will be your cure if you are willing to be mine."

It was a subtle question laced with sex, a seductive conclusion to her ever approaching thought. A poignant statement not meant to be spoken aloud, but it had gained Claude's attention and it was too late to stop now. For a few moments Esmeralda stood near the bed, shocked that the words had unknowingly flown from her mouth. Seeing the stupefied, yet overjoyed look on Claude's face she knew she could not back away from such a statement so easily.

"Sleep with me in the bed tonight."

It was as though someone was talking for her.

Claude's loins had been aching for this moment the second he saw her. But was it supposed to be this easy? For so long she had been a demon and then today he had witnessed a human act from her. His soul would be damned for such an act, yet God would have to forgive him, after all God had created man and even God must understand the needs of a man. And yet, he was not just some man! He wasn't supposed to even want this! But the fact remained: he did. She was no demon, she was just a female and if he kept telling himself that, then maybe the effect she had on him would ware off. She was just a female and he was just a male with masculine needs that matched her feminine needs. He approached the bed, a question falling from the tip of his tongue.

"Why me? Why do you want my soul? There must be men more worthy of Hell than I!"

He was caught up in talking to himself.

"And why God did you send her? What man is not powerless against that?"

Esmeralda looked on, wondering if he was waiting for God to actually come down and answer him in person. But as he was clearly on a tangent and her "illness" still had not been taken care of, she cleared her throat. Claude spun to face her and stood face to face with her.

"You…child are you a demon?"

Satan would surely send his most powerful demon in the sweetest and most enchanting form possible.

When she did not answer right away he became annoyed and repeated the question.

"Are you a demon?"

Esmeralda shook her head.

"Then why would you want me, a man of God to share a bed with you?"

"I am a girl and there is something between my legs! It's a wetness and it appears whenever I think about you or see your eyes! It hurts! I want to be rid of it…I noticed it when I first saw Phoebus, but it no longer happens when I think of him."

Out of nowhere she slapped him.

"You could have stopped him!"

She cried, referring to Phoebus.

"You had been following him…you could have pulled him away from me and I would not have this ache between my legs! Had you rescued me I would love you. I detest you, but I am in love with your eyes and the way you look at me!"

There were times she felt utterly hideous and he looked at her, as though she were the most beautiful girl alive. She was now shameful and impure, but he looked at her as though she was still virtuous and childlike.

Just like the hand across his face she slammed her mouth against his. She wanted to be beautiful and pure again and if this was the only man who saw her in that light, then she wanted him.

Before Phoebus had forced himself on her she had never given any real thought to pleasure, or what she liked. She now knew that Phoebus had been too rough and that she wanted more attention to be paid to her and her wants. She knew that she could use Claude to practice. She would show him what she liked and she also knew that if he loved her he would do as she told him. She didn't want what happened with Phoebus to ever repeat itself, so she would be the one taking control from now on!

She liked feeling Claude's thin lips on hers; they were slightly moist and surprisingly hot! They felt like two flames touching her and it felt superb! She wanted more, she wanted to know where else his lips would feel this good, so she began to command him.

"My neck…"

She was all panting and breathless and Claude withdrew from the kiss confused. What was it that she wanted exactly? She had told him about her attraction to him, then blamed him for not rescuing her from the captain and then she had stunned him with a kiss that would have melted fire. His mind felt fuzzy and his brain was swimming in a luxuriant pool of pure bliss!

"What?"

His thinking was foggy and clouded and at the moment he couldn't understand half formed sentences and what she was asking him to do.

"Place your lips…on my neck and…keep moving downwards…until…until I tell you to stop."

She had to take several choppy breaths in order to speak and her tone was urgent. Claude decided to do as he was told. This was leading to what his loins were demanding and he could perhaps get what his heart was demanding in the process. As Claude was lowering his lips to her lovely neck she took his arms and placed them around her waist.

"Only do what I ask, or show you to do. Do you understand?"

Esmeralda felt a brief catch of uncertainty in her plan.

"He may become too greedy and want more than I will allow him to have.

Her mind interrupted the pleasure she was getting from being in control.

"And what if he isn't good at this…what if he touched me wrong?"

She would have him practice until he got it right.

Claude's mouth had slipped from her neck to her shoulder and now she could feel his tongue roughly brushing against her clavicle. Yes! That felt amazing! She wanted him to keep at it, to slide his tongue into her mouth, like it had in her little fantasies, but first she wanted him to know that what he was doing felt good without losing the control she had.

"Place your mouth back on mine and do that."

It was more of a pain filled moan than a command. She could feel the wetness between her thighs grow and the ache to increase.

Claude did as he was asked without question or hesitation and she placed his hands on the sides of her breasts.

At first the kiss felt awkward. His tongue jutted into her mouth and explored, but then he relaxed and he could feel her tongue massage his. He returned the favor, but felt his knees becoming weak. It was as though the blood had left his legs and had rushed to another part of his body. Not feeling strong enough to hold them both up, Esmeralda lay on the bed, keeping hold of Claude's hands and not wanting them to lose their place. Here she decided to give him some amount of freedom and broke the kiss.

"Place your hands anywhere you like."

Claude quickly regained control of her mouth and kept his hands on her breasts. She could feel his hands cupping them, which made her nipples begin to harden. This feeling of pleasure was taking over and her brain wanted it to stop. It was telling her that this was a very dangerous game to be playing and that maybe Claude would not want to stop when she did. But the ache between her legs was demanding that she continue and see what else felt good…to keep training him so that the next time she was with Phoebus she could tell him what made her feel good. And why just settle for the captain? If men saw her as divine, then she could have any man she chose. She could have as many men as she chose as long as it felt good.

"Ouch!"

Claude had tried squeezing her breasts, but he had gotten caught up in the moment and squeezed to hard.

"Not so rough…use a lighter, gentler touch there."

She wanted him to continue playing with her chest, but he needed to ease up. He began experimenting with different amounts of pressure and watched her reaction. Too light of a touch and there was no reaction, too hard and she would push him away. Finally she took his hands in hers and led him to the right touch.

"There!"

"OH! Oh Esmeralda!"

She was using him as a puppet, but was he getting just as aroused as she was? She could feel the tension growing between his legs and rubbed against it to see what his reaction to be.

"OH GOD!"

He screamed out what they were both thinking. Realizing what she had done she pulled away quickly. Realizing what he was doing Claude jumped off the bed and retreated for his chair. He had just cried out to God during perhaps the most unholy act he could think of. But he wanted more of that same act. Had she wanted it too or was she just experimenting with him?

Esmeralda knew that her experiment had gone awry…she had felt him growing between his cassock and she liked the way it felt against her thigh. Had he not pulled away so quickly she might have asked that he press it against her more to see where the best place for it would be. It had felt paradoxically good and dangerous. But she could not understand why he had broken away and was now moping in his chair. Hadn't he liked it?

She had decided that the next time they play this little game she would allow him a little more freedom to explore.


	8. Chapter 8

The Heart That Really Matters…

Recap of chap 1: Phoebus "deflowers" Esmeralda and she doesn't enjoy it.

Recap of chap 2: A cloaked figure brings Esmeralda to a strange place and comforts her…and then tells her he loves her and she faints.

Recap of chap 3: Esmeralda finds out a little about the man she is now with.

Recap of chap 4: Esmeralda begins a sort of introspection, thinking about the men that have been in her life. She begins pondering the intentions of this new man and makes a decision about him.

Recap of chap 5: Claude confesses what he has done to Esmeralda. Esmeralda attempts suicide.

Recap of chap 6: Esmeralda having a major epiphany about her own sexuality.

Recap of 7: Esmeralda blames Claude for not stopping Phoebus. More of Esmeralda's epiphany. She decides to see just how far she can take things with Claude without going all the way. She discovers how she can use him, but then things go wrong.

Summary for chap 8: Claude gives Esmeralda a grand speech about love and Esmeralda begins wondering what type of girl she is.

As this is book based all characters and what not belong to Victor Hugo.

Constructive criticism is greatly accepted…flames/rants not so much. Please review whether you like it or not.

* * *

A thousand things questions were screaming through Claude's muddied brain. Had what just happened really happened, or was this a dream? Had she seduced him, or had he seduced her? But the biggest question of all; why had he stopped? She hadn't asked him to stop…if anything she was begging for him to go further. Then he turned to her and out of nowhere stood up and marched toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

Esmeralda wanted him to stay with her.

"Out."

"Out where? It is the middle of the night."

Claude turned to her, animosity in his eyes.

"We are in a church and I am a man of God. I am going to pray."

She sensed anger in his voice, but she didn't want him to leave. She wanted for him to hold her and at the very least talk to her. It was late at night, what did he need to pray for this late at night? Esmeralda lay back on the bed, curling up with the blanket pulled up to her chin. He had no doubt locked the door and she wondered when he planned on returning. She was his captive, just as he was hers.

"Men are such odd creatures."

She mused, allowing sleep to set in. But, while Esmeralda slept soundly Claude was downstairs in the cathedral, kneeling before the statue of Mary. He was praying, but even he no longer knew what to pray for. It would be a sin to pray for Esmeralda to be his, but it would not be a sin to pray that she love him. He sighed heavily, knowing that even doing that would be wrong.

"I am still a man of God."

He muttered and looked around, hoping that no one else had come in for a late night prayer. The only thing he could pray for was the desire to go away; all of it…the desire for her love and her body. He also prayed that whatever desire was growing within her would be taken away.

"This would all make sense if she really were a demon! How is it that one girl can make a man fall so fast?"

He did not like the fact that she was just some ordinary girl. It meant that he was weak and had only fallen for another earthly creature.

"I am still after all only a man myself."

He stood and with this idea he ascended the staircase back up to his cell.

"Yes. God made her an ordinary girl and He made me an ordinary man…"

He unlocked the door and his eyes immediately latched onto Esmeralda, safe and asleep in the makeshift bed. Esmeralda's sleep was so light, that his first few footsteps woke her up.

"Claude?"

Claude said nothing, but approached the bed. She had sat up, startled when he did not speak and a hand pressed her gently back down on the bed. He pressed his lips against hers, stroking her shoulder. She wriggled, trying to get away.

"What are you doing?"

She hissed, shoving him away.

"Picking up where we left off my dear."

This was not her intent. He somehow had gotten the idea in his head that he could have her on demand. She wanted to have control over him, not the other way around.

"I was sleeping."

She stated, hoping it would deter his advances. It did to no avail. His lips were sliding lower, making her nervous and squirm more.

"This is what you wanted…"

"NO!"

She shoved him away, a new ferocity in her eyes and a new strength in her arms.

Claude looked back at her, pure shock in his eyes.

"And here I thought this was what you wanted."

Claude backed away and slumped into his chair. Esmeralda had wanted it, but only on her terms and him taking her by surprise was not one of her terms. She wanted to be dominant and to be the one who initiated it. With that Claude looked away from her, but she was the wiser.

"And what do you plan on reading with no light?"

She was mocking him, but playfully.

"Is that all I am to you, a play thing? Perhaps you do not yet understand the extent of my love for you."

His voice was low and serious as he once again approached the bed.

"Love is what I feel for Phoebus."

Claude scowled, grinding his teeth at the sound of that name.

"And do you think he loves you?"

It was a rhetorical question, which shot through her like a dagger.

"Do you think that I love you?"

She could wound him just as easily.

"Is that all love is?"

She knew he wanted to take her, and now she wanted to be taken. Phoebus had taken her, but she had not wanted to be taken.

"No…Love…love is two people…Oh! I knew what it was once."

She was caught in heavy thought over what love now was. If love was this feeling between her legs that nagged her night and day, then she now loved Claude. If love was two people who could not live without one another, then…she still loved Claude. But Phoebus was a knight in shinning armor, the kind of man a woman was supposed to love. But she did not love Phoebus in either sense of the word.

"Claude, when you say you love me what do you mean?"

Claude turned back to her and saw a momentary truce.

"Don't you know?"

Esmeralda pouted and shook her head.

"I think I did once."

Claude saw the child shinning through the hard exterior.

"Child…"

"I am not a child!"

Claude shook his head lightly in disagreement.

"Love is when you cannot imagine your life without the other person. Love is giving the other person complete power over you; both the power to change you and to destroy you completely. But you trust them enough not to harm you. Love is hating the world for making you a priest and her a gypsy! Love is not bargaining or compromising…it is giving your all to another person no matter what harm may befall you. It is the most shocking as well as both the most selfless and selfish act ever known to mankind."

There were tears in Esmeralda's eyes. She believed him, but did she love him? In truth she didn't feel that way about anyone. What she felt for Claude was different.

"I do not feel that much for you. What I feel is the most tenacious, nagging feeling. When I look into your eyes it is like a fire is ignited and…and…I don't know how to describe it, but it makes me want to do with you what Phoebus wanted to do with me."

Claude nodded.

"I feel that too."

The sun was rising and he had remembered hearing somewhere that one should never let the sun rise on an argument…or was that set? Ah well, it mattered little now. He left silently and told her that he would return sometime during the afternoon.

In that time she would ponder the state of her own affairs.

She was a girl who had been taken by force. She had been willing to make love to Phoebus…the operative word being "love," but he did not love her and as her dreams of being the love of his life were dashed she no longer loved him. Claude loved her and he too had that tenacious feeling between his legs that she had for him, but she did not love him. She had played with him, teased him and used him to experiment on what she liked in bed. The experience had been enjoyable and right now that was all she wanted; enjoyment and pleasure. So, what did that make her exactly? She knew the types of girls who had men only for pleasure, but she surely was not one of them…was she? No. They had men for pleasure and money and…and what was so different now between her and them.

"He loves me!"

She realized that she had his heart, that was the difference between herself and those other girls. That was not the same as being a harlot, though it did not make her feel any better.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to all who have reviewed!!!


	9. Chapter 9

I Need a Man, Not a Boy Who Thinks he Can…

Recap of chap 1: Phoebus "deflowers" Esmeralda and she doesn't enjoy it.

Recap of chap 2: A cloaked figure brings Esmeralda to a strange place and comforts her…and then tells her he loves her and she faints.

Recap of chap 3: Esmeralda finds out a little about the man she is now with.

Recap of chap 4: Esmeralda begins a sort of introspection, thinking about the men that have been in her life. She begins pondering the intentions of this new man and makes a decision about him.

Recap of chap 5: Claude confesses what he has done to Esmeralda. Esmeralda attempts suicide.

Recap of chap 6: Esmeralda having a major epiphany about her own sexuality.

Recap of 7: Esmeralda blames Claude for not stopping Phoebus. More of Esmeralda's epiphany. She decides to see just how far she can take things with Claude without going all the way. She discovers how she can use him, but then things go wrong.

Recap of chap 8: Claude gives Esmeralda a grand speech about love and Esmeralda begins wondering what type of girl she is.

Summary for chap 9: Esmeralda still wondering what type of girl she is and wonders how Claude can love her now that she is no longer pure. Claude overhears Phoebus talking with Jehan and relays what he overhears to Esmeralda.

A/N: This could be the last chapter for a while…I'm feeling much better and am back to work, so I won't have much time for this fic…but I will try to update soon. Thank you all for your reviews!

As this is book based all characters and what not belong to Victor Hugo.

Constructive criticism is greatly accepted…flames/rants not so much. Please review whether you like it or not.

* * *

Esmeralda lay on her side and facing the door. She was not asleep and she could not sleep. She allowed tears to free fall from her eyes onto the pillows. She had classified herself as being a horrible person for not being able to love Claude, but now she was thinking that she shouldn't love Claude just yet. It was too soon to give her heart to another man, after all, the first had treated it as trivial and had cast her aside just as soon as he had gotten what he wanted. And then again perhaps love was what she needed now. Perhaps love was the key to making sex feel good. She was not good enough for love. She withdrew her tiny amulet and looked at it with sadness in her eyes.

"I was worthy of you once."

She sighed, sliding a hand over it. She now realized that she was something common. Men gazed at her, but they gazed at her for one reason only and men gazed at other girls for the same reason. She had once thought herself special and unique. She had convinced herself that she was a common harlot and nobody ever really loved that kind of girl. She began to think about Claude and how he could actually want to make love to her, knowing that she was no longer pure. But, then again she had no real choice in the matter and hopefully Claude would take that into consideration. At least he wanted it to be enjoyable for her, but that was only because he loved her.

"Love is…'Love is not bargaining or compromising…'"

She repeated what Claude had said, over and over in her mind. It was true and he had not asked her to bargain or compromise. Claude was willing to give her the moon if she were to ask for it and she knew that somehow he would find a way to deliver, if ever she did. Right now she wanted two things: someone to love her and someone to get rid of the feeling, the disease between her legs. She would not be able to love him and he had made it crystal clear that he wanted both her body and her heart. She didn't want to be a harlot and Claude didn't see her as one. She was attracted to him. So, why couldn't she love him? With all of the kindness he had shown her, she wanted to give him something in return, but in doing so she would become a harlot. She hated using him, but it was now all she knew of love.

There was also a frightening side to her thoughts. Claude may be using her, just as Phoebus had used her. She couldn't go through that again! If she were to give him her heart, then surely he would trample over it. He would make love to her once and have what he wanted and then he would turn her out, just like Phoebus.

While Esmeralda was weighing her decisions on love and sex and who she was, Claude was in the cathedral, approaching the statue of Mary. He had seen his brother stroll in, ready to climb the stairs and demand money. It was the usual routine around this time of the month. Claude rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.

"Where did I go wrong?"

But just as Jehan was mounting the staircase, a familiar voice called to the young scamp and Claude clearly recognized the face. A rage filled heat surged to his face and hatred imploded within his heart. He watched the two greet one another from behind a pillar and was listening intently on their conversation.

"How did things fare with that little Egyptian girl?"

Jehan gave the captain a sly smile.

"You know there are certain things that ought not be uttered in a church."

Phoebus chuckled triumphantly and behind the pillar Claude dug his nails into the palm of his hands.

"You must tell me your secret!"

Jehan clapped a hand on the captain's shoulder.

"It was nothing. The girl was madly in love with me from the start…when they are in love it is always easy. You only have to promise them anything they like and leave before they wake up."

Jehan nodded.

"That is where I always get into trouble. I fall asleep from drunkenness, or I stay until morning in her arms."

"The little tart was not even a harlot."

Here Jehan's face went serious.

"She had never had a man, but I changed all that. She will more than likely be waiting in the same spot for me…"

Here the captain trailed of and Claude saw the pair walking away.

"I have ruined her for others and she didn't even make me pay!"

The captain and Jehan were still laughing about the ordeal as they left the church and Claude could feel blood dripping onto his fingers. Claude was done praying. He was infuriated that any man make Esmeralda sound so…so…cheap! The captain didn't even care what state the poor child was in. She could be dead and he couldn't care any less. Claude was praying for a dagger; a dagger would be the best way to end it. He would find the sharpest dagger he could find and plunge it through the captain's heart!

"She would surely love me then!"

Anger had taken over and he was ascending the staircase, imagining a thousand ways to kill the captain. The most pleasing thus far was an autopsy with the captain still being alive and Claude would be surprised to see a heart in the man's chest. No, that was no man. That was a little boy who took no responsibility for his actions. He stormed up the stairs and flung the door open, causing Esmeralda to sit up with a start.

As soon as he saw her face, he knew that she would hate him if he were to harm one hair on the captain's head. Phoebus felt nothing for her, yet he meant the world to her.

"I cannot give you what you want."

She broke the silence, emphasizing her words with a negative shake of her head.

"I cannot love you without bargains or compromises and you can't love me."

Her words were no more than sobs, but Claude allowed her to speak out of curiosity.

"If you loved me, you would not expect me to make love to you! And how can you love me?"

Claude gave her a puzzled look and was unsure of how to answer such a vague question.

"I am not worthy of anything…and…I am nothing more than…How can you see me as anything, but a…"

She couldn't bring herself to say the word "harlot," as she now came to the realization that she was never one.

"I overheard my brother and the captain talking in the cathedral. I will tell you what he said, only if you wish to hear it."

Esmeralda nodded, letting him know that she was ready to hear what Phoebus had said. Claude repeated everything he had heard from the captain's lips and watched as Esmeralda's face grew more and more sallow with tearstains. After a while she had completely tuned out everything that Claude was saying.

"I can love you without conditions, because…because…"

Here all of Claude's logic failed him. He had no reason for loving her.

"I don't want you to love me, because I love you!"

To her it was completely logical; Phoebus had told her that he loved her and it was a lie, so she did not want to hear another man say those words. Here every fiber of Claude's being went numb and he sat on the ground next to her bed, dumb and in a daze. She had just screamed at the top of her lungs that she loved him. He felt her fall forward and curl her fingers, grabbing two handfuls of black fabric and then her small hands let go and curled into fists. She struck his chest repeatedly cursing him, cursing herself and cursing Phoebus.

"I hate you!"

It was a complete turnaround from the "I love you" she had just given him a moment ago. It was barely audible and steady. And then the hitting stopped and she leaned in to rest her head on his chest. He placed both arms around her, protectively and allowed her to cry into his cassock. She had meant both phrases whole heartedly. She loved Claude, but hated the fact that he was not Phoebus. She loved the fact that Claude would protect her and allow her to abuse him for as long as she wanted, but she hated the fact that he still saw her as pure and good. She loved the fact that he was completely different from the captain, but hated the fact that she could not give her virtue to Claude. She wanted Claude to look like Phoebus, she wanted Phoebus to be as generous and kind as Claude. But she knew that if Claude looked like Phoebus, she would truly hate him and if Phoebus had Claude's heart, then she would be in his arms now.

Claude stroked her hair and cooed her to sleep. As he lay her back down onto the bed he watched her lips move to form the words, "I'm sorry."

* * *

I have a slight preview of the next chapter: Esmeralda sees Phoebus again and she becomes angry. She attempts to injure him, but Claude stops her.

A/N: Not a full preview, but it is something.


	10. Chapter 10

It's Part of the Plan…

Recap of chap 1: Phoebus "deflowers" Esmeralda and she doesn't enjoy it.

Recap of chap 2: A cloaked figure brings Esmeralda to a strange place and comforts her…and then tells her he loves her and she faints.

Recap of chap 3: Esmeralda finds out a little about the man she is now with.

Recap of chap 4: Esmeralda begins a sort of introspection, thinking about the men that have been in her life. She begins pondering the intentions of this new man and makes a decision about him.

Recap of chap 5: Claude confesses what he has done to Esmeralda. Esmeralda attempts suicide.

Recap of chap 6: Esmeralda having a major epiphany about her own sexuality.

Recap of 7: Esmeralda blames Claude for not stopping Phoebus. More of Esmeralda's epiphany. She decides to see just how far she can take things with Claude without going all the way. She discovers how she can use him, but then things go wrong.

Recap of chap 8: Claude gives Esmeralda a grand speech about love and Esmeralda begins wondering what type of girl she is.

Recap of chap 9: Esmeralda still wondering what type of girl she is and wonders how Claude can love her now that she is no longer pure. Claude overhears Phoebus talking with Jehan and relays what he overhears to Esmeralda.

Summary for chap 10: Esmeralda sees Phoebus again…make that Esmeralda sees Phoebus with Fleur-De-Lys and she becomes enraged. Claude really begins seeing Esmeralda as a scared little girl. Esmeralda wants to be who she was before and questions why she ever "loved" Phoebus in the first place. Jehan pops in for a visit.

As this is book based all characters and what not belong to Victor Hugo.

Constructive criticism is greatly accepted…flames/rants not so much. Please review whether you like it or not.

* * *

Esmeralda lay awake and vacant on the bed, drained of energy, yet contemplating her feelings towards Claude. At times she felt attracted to him, there were times when she liked him and times when she never wanted him to leave. There were also times when she was afraid of him and when she hated him. What she now felt for him went beyond the sickness between her legs…what she felt for him really did make her feel like a child. She didn't want to love him and she didn't want him to love her; she wanted him to worship him and make him promises she never intended upon keeping. But there was a small part of her that wondered what real love felt like, as no man had ever truly loved her. She had come to terms that men lusted after her, that men were attracted to her and she now saw how she could use that to her advantage. Up until now love had been the equivalent of hero worship in her eyes. But Claude was no hero. A hero was a strong and handsome knight in shinning armor who rescued damsels in distress and took them to safety. Phoebus had been her hero, but he did not make her feel safe. Claude made her feel safe. But telling Claude that she really loved him would be the same as giving him permission to abuse her the same way Phoebus had. And then she thought anew about her power.

"I could have princes and even kings and I would live comfortably…"

She then shook her head, knowing that this was how harlots thought. She was determined not to be one. She was determined to figure out what real love was and to have it, whether it be with Claude or Gringoire. In all fairness she preferred Claude…he was powerful and captivated her in such an odd way. Claude was downstairs, praying as always, so she decided to look outside. It was a beautiful day and she needed the air.

"If Claude does love me, then he will understand why I cannot make love to him."

She mused, as she looked down into the Parvis. And then came the familiar sound of hooves and a familiar voice to go along with them. But this time there was another voice with it, a female voice.

"Phoebus!"

Her voice was a frightened whisper. She was frozen on the spot and knew not what to do.

Claude too had heard the hooves and the voice and fearing that Esmeralda would attempt suicide a second time he stopped what he was doing and flew up the stairs to see her glaring down at him with hate in her eyes.

"Phoebus!"

She shouted down to him and Claude looked on, deciding to intervene only if she became a danger to herself.

"Phoebus look at me!"

Her eyes had grown wild and feral, as her hair rocked forward with the jerking motion of her body.

"Ah! And who is she? Just another tart! Look at me you callous bastard!"

She ran back inside, looking for something that would gain his attention. She found a bag of rocks and vials of unfinished experiments. She first took up the rocks and ran back over to the balustrade.

"Look at me!"

She threw down the first stone.

"For God's sake and my own look up!"

The first stone nearly grazed his head, but she missed.

"Does she know?"

She threw down two more stones, but they too missed.

"Tell her. Tell her what you did to me! I will tell her if you do not."

She frantically threw stone after stone, until they were gone. Not a one hit him or caught his attention. She darted back inside and grabbed a few vials of odd looking liquid.

"I hate you. I hate you! I HATE YOU!"

The first vial fell to the stone ground and crashed, never hitting the captain. Here Claude became nervous and wanted to intervene, as any one of those vials could easily burn through Phoebus' skin. They could even bring great harm to his sweet Esmeralda. So, he looked on with caution filled eyes and worry.

"You have looked for me, hoping I would become your harlot."

Tears flowed freely from her lovely eyes, as a second and a third vial dropped dangerously close to the captain. Phoebus turned to see liquid and glass at his heel. And Esmeralda grinned triumphantly.

"Oh no!"

Claude watched as the captain looked up and Esmeralda's face contorted into a grimace of disgust.

She kept throwing vials down, aiming for his head and screaming that she hated him and wanted to see him dead. Claude decided that now would be the best time to intervene. Grabbing her by the waist with one arm and reaching for her wrist with the other, Claude hoped to stop Esmeralda's tantrum and pull her back inside.

"Let me go! I want his new girl to know about what he does."

She elbowed him in the ribs, causing him to release her. He now knew that taking a calm and delicate approach would not help in these matters.

"Esmeralda!"

He violently grabbed both her wrists, causing her to gasp and try to pull away.

"Damn it Claude let me go!"

She kicked, she screamed and cursed, but Claude held tight and led her back inside. Once inside he threw her down onto the bed.

"You want his fiancée to know about you? She will in time! At some point men like him always slip up in their lies…she will find out sooner or later."

This was not a comfort to the seething gypsy girl. With that he turned and left to go back down into the cathedral. This was what his relationship with her was to be; an emotional upheaval every time the captain rode by. The girl felt too many emotions! One minute she was sad, the next angry and the next happy. Why couldn't she just pick one and stay with it? And was that the captain entering the cathedral just now? Had he seen Esmeralda? Phoebus began making his way over to Claude.

"Good day to you sir."

Phoebus seemed respectful and charming…it was too bad for him that Claude knew the truth.

"And to you captain. What brings you hear on such a fine day?"

Claude would not pick a fight with the captain here; out in the streets, yes…in the cathedral, no.

"I am not quite sure how to say this, but someone seems to be throwing things from up in the bell tower."

Claude nodded, letting the captain know that he was aware of what was going on.

"Yes…my ward…Quasimodo…I have had him stop…"

Lying in the cathedral, he was surely going to Hell now.

"And what reason does he have for throwing things at me?"

Claude thought quickly for another lie.

"Er…Perhaps he is jealous Captain. Perhaps he saw you the other night with that young Egyptian girl and is now seeing you with another young damsel. He has shown an interest in that dancing girl…"

He was becoming as skilled at lying as the captain. He noticed Phoebus sneering, which surely could not be a good sign.

"Tell that hideous beast of yours that I will have any woman I choose, as I can."

With that the captain left and Claude now felt his face turn red with jealousy and hatred. Phoebus would remain the same and never learn anything…he would forever be the handsome captain, whom girls fell over themselves for if only for a chance to be in his arms. They would cry over him, but he would move on to the next beautiful girl. Claude turned and looked towards the stairs, wondering what Esmeralda was doing now.

Upstairs, Esmeralda was going through everything and anything she could get her hands on. Jewels she discarded, vials of odd liquid wouldn't help, books, books and more books were of no use. And in a small drawer of Claude's desk she found it. A sharp gleaming dagger! The golden handle felt cool and excellent in her hand. This would be her new weapon against men. She took the dagger and raised it to her right cheek. It glided smoothly over her fine skin and released the ruby colored fluid beneath that fine brown skin. Surprisingly, there was no pain. This actually, in some sick sense felt good. She sliced her left cheek, her arms, legs…and then she heard the doorknob begin to turn.

"Brother, are you in here?"

That was not Claude's voice! Esmeralda gasped and looked around for a place to hide. Claude had left the door unlocked and now anyone could walk in and see her in this state.

"And what have we here?"

Jehan had spotted her.

"Oh God!"

He saw the blood oozing from several wounds and left.

"Brother!"

He shouted through the cathedral and finally Claude appeared.

"What is it Jehan?"

"A girl…There's a girl up in…your cell…"

Jehan was completely out of breath from running. He looked at his brother's face, but the news of a girl being in his cell did not seem to phase him.

"She's…she's bleeding…looks like knife wounds…and…there's a girl in your cell!"

At the news of his sweet love being harmed in any way, Claude turned and stomped back to his cell. Jehan followed, wanting to know more about the girl and why she was in his brother's private cell.

"Who is she? What have you done Claude? Is this girl part of an experiment?"

"Jehan will you be quiet!"

At the top of the stairs, Claude made a sign not for his brother to enter and he braced himself for what he was about to see.

"Child…"

That was all he could say as he sat down beside her. He quickly assessed the wounds she had inflicted upon herself and decided that they were not deep, nor were they life threatening.

"I finally found a solution to my problem."

She stated, as Claude gently removed the dagger from her hand.

"It is my beauty. If I am not beautiful, then men won't harm me."

Tears began to mingle with the blood.

"Oh Esmeralda!"

Claude placed one arm around her back and the other hand in her hair. He drew her near and let her cry into his cassock.

"Lie down a moment."

Claude placed her head onto a pillow and then he retreated out the door. Jehan was still standing at the top of the stairs.

"Get me bandages…lots of them…and…well that is all for now I suppose-"

"Who is she and what is she doing in your private chamber?"

Jehan was still pressing his brother for answers, but Claude's only concern now was Esmeralda.

"Do as I say and then I will tell you."

Claude handed his brother a small purse with more than enough money for bandages.

"And I can keep what is left?"

"Fine. Go, now!"

Claude went back into the cell. He used a small basin that was constantly near the bed and filled with cool water to wipe away the excess blood. The wounds were indeed not deep, they were superficial but on her they appeared life threatening. Esmeralda flinched, feeling the cold water on her skin.

Once the excess blood was gone, Claude rubbed something on her to help the wounds heal and to prevent scarring. And then he carefully wrapped each wound with bandages. There were no words between the two as he did all this, but Esmeralda's eyes were becoming more and more greedy.

"Claude."

He was too busy to notice the sultry tone. She decided to make her point more clear by brushing a hand over his cheek and leaning in to kiss his lips. He loved her when she was beautiful, when she was pure. He loved her when she was ugly and when she was impure. He loved her no matter what. She was constant in his eyes and that was what she wanted. He saw her for a sweet and innocent girl, not some harlot. She wanted him to see her as innocent and pure, as that was how she defined herself. She never really loved the captain and he never looked at her like Claude did. She now wondered why she was attracted to him to begin with. It was youth and looks and nothing more. Claude was more, a lot more. Esmeralda placed one hand on the back of Claude's head to deepen the kiss and pull him down onto the bed. Claude's hands had dropped the bandages and slid up to caress the sides of her breasts. And then he pulled away.

"What were you thinking you stupid girl! You could have killed yourself!"

This sudden change in his mood shocked her and made her back away.

"I was thinking that if I were ugly, then men would not want me…and the man who would ever want me would be the man who truly did love me and I would…I would love him."

She shook her head negatively, realizing that Claude loved her when she was beautiful and he loved her with cuts on her face, arms and legs.

"Why did I love Phoebus?"

She looked to Claude for some form of explanation and he looked down into her eyes, searching for the answer there.

"I think you loved him, because he was handsome. He rescued you and you saw that as an admirable quality in a man."

"I wish I had never loved him."

She sobbed, tossing something aside carelessly. She placed her head on the pillow and faced the wall. Had she never loved him she would still be Esmeralda; unique, chaste and beautiful. Now she was just Esmeralda; just another pretty girl, some unimportant and jaded youth. Had she never even seen Phoebus her life would have gone on uninterrupted and joyful. But without him she would have become stagnant and now all she wanted more than anything was to somehow go back in time and tell herself on that night that he rescued her all she knew now and somehow change the course of the events.


	11. Chapter 11

He Had it Coming…

Recap of chap 1: Phoebus "deflowers" Esmeralda and she doesn't enjoy it.

Recap of chap 2: A cloaked figure brings Esmeralda to a strange place and comforts her…and then tells her he loves her and she faints.

Recap of chap 3: Esmeralda finds out a little about the man she is now with.

Recap of chap 4: Esmeralda begins a sort of introspection, thinking about the men that have been in her life. She begins pondering the intentions of this new man and makes a decision about him.

Recap of chap 5: Claude confesses what he has done to Esmeralda. Esmeralda attempts suicide.

Recap of chap 6: Esmeralda having a major epiphany about her own sexuality.

Recap of 7: Esmeralda blames Claude for not stopping Phoebus. More of Esmeralda's epiphany. She decides to see just how far she can take things with Claude without going all the way. She discovers how she can use him, but then things go wrong.

Recap of chap 8: Claude gives Esmeralda a grand speech about love and Esmeralda begins wondering what type of girl she is.

Recap of chap 9: Esmeralda still wondering what type of girl she is and wonders how Claude can love her now that she is no longer pure. Claude overhears Phoebus talking with Jehan and relays what he overhears to Esmeralda.

Recap of chap 10: Esmeralda sees Phoebus again…make that Esmeralda sees Phoebus with Fleur-De-Lys and she becomes enraged. Claude really begins seeing Esmeralda as a scared little girl. Esmeralda wants to be who she was before and questions why she ever "loved" Phoebus in the first place. Jehan pops in for a visit.

Summary for chap 11: Esmeralda decides to completely discard her old self and has a tiny identity crisis. Claude finally asks her to make a decision regarding her love for him. Esmeralda has a dream…Phoebus haters will like this dream.

Preview for chap 12: Esmeralda makes her decision. Most likely the last chapter.

A/N: A little audience participation is required for the last chapter (chap12.) All who think Esmeralda should love Claude please post "Yes," or something to that extent. If you are opposed to Esmeralda loving Claude then post "No," or something to that extent. I'll count the votes and base Esme's decision on your votes.

As this is book based all characters and what not belong to Victor Hugo.

Constructive criticism is greatly accepted…flames/rants not so much. Please review whether you like it or not.

A/N: This chapter contains graphic content and may not be suitable for some readers…reader discretion is advised. I just always wanted to do that, but on a more serious note…this chapter does contain certain graphic scenes of a sexual nature. If you are easily offended by such contents, then please skip over this chapter. With that said, there is no actual sex scene in this chapter.

* * *

For sometime Claude only stood and looked down at the small trinket Esmeralda had tossed on the ground.

"Her prized possession."

He thought, lifting it and cradling it in one hand. He treated it as though it was a fragile piece of glass. He looked at the tiny object in his hand and then at the girl. For so long this amulet represented her. She had placed all of her hopes and dreams into one tiny object, just as he had placed his all into his faith and his religion. And now, he had discarded that just as she had discarded this piece of green glass.

"Esmeralda."

He whispered, attempting to hand the amulet back to her. But, after several seconds of silence he placed the trinket on his desk and set to reading.

"Don't call me that. I don't want to be 'Esmeralda' anymore. Besides, I was an orphan and 'Esmeralda' might not even be my real name…but I'll never get a chance to hear my real name now."

She was still sobbing and she still wouldn't face him. Claude knew he was asking for trouble when he broached a seemingly delicate question.

"Then what would you prefer me to call you?"

"I don't care! Call me Mary, Josephine, Agnes…anything but 'child' or 'Esmeralda.' I'm not her anymore."

Claude could see that she was crying out to him, that she was broken and needed fixing.

"But who do you fix a girl? How does one fix another human being when one does not know the extent of the problem?"

Claude mused to himself as he shifted down to Esmeralda's side. He stroked her hair and pushed several strands out of her face in an attempt to regain her trust.

"Child-"

"I told you not to call me that!"

She spat, turning over and shoving his hand away.

"I ceased being a child the moment he had his way with me! Why can't you see that?"

She was fuming and wanted nothing to do with Claude, or any other man right now.

"You're not at fault…"

His voice was no louder than a whisper, but then grew when he realized that he was having his own epiphany.

"You are not the one at fault! Something can only be taken if you give it up."

He could have said this a thousand times, but it would have been the equivalent of talking to one of the gargoyles.

"Who you are can only be taken away if you let it be so. You are still 'Esmeralda.' You will always be 'Esmeralda' even if I were to start calling you by some other more common name. If I wanted I could have the whole of Paris start calling me Phoebus and that would make no difference at all! It is not a name that defines either one of us."

"But it is."

She stated, thinking that what she was talking about was completely obvious to Claude.

"I was 'Esmeralda' before the captain had his way with me and I don't want to be her anymore. I don't want to be who I was before. She was naïve and silly to think that a man like Phoebus could actually love her-"

"And that is what makes you so beautiful!"

She shook her head and pulled away. He was only making things worse.

"No it made me careless and stupid! 'Esmeralda' knew nothing of men, but I do and that changes everything."

Claude still didn't understand how being taken by force by one man one time gave her a wealth of knowledge about all men. She truly was a child. She was nothing more than a child trying to play 'grown up' and it was beginning to annoy him.

"Esmeralda I need you to tell me something."

He tossed down a spare key to his cell. He had gotten it forged for Jehan and had hopes of giving him the key in the event of an emergency. Esmeralda picked up the key and examined it.

"I can leave?"

She asked, slightly more jovially than he had hoped.

"Do not speak! Do not say anything about the captain and do not tell me that you are not a child. I hold both our fates in the palm of my hand. What I am going to ask you is a very simple question, which needs only a one word answer; either a 'yes,' or a 'no.' If you answer 'yes,' then your life will be the most pleasant I assure you! I will treat you far better than that idiot captain ever could."

Claude was frightening her and she knew not how to react. Dumbly she opened her mouth and spoke.

"And if I answer 'no?'"

"What did I say? Do not speak!"

He noticed the fear in her eyes and began stroking her soft arm to show her that he was not so terrible.

"I…if you say 'no,' then know that I will be around every corner waiting for the chance to have you arrested and placed in a dungeon where you will have no choice, but to say 'yes.' I will stop at nothing to have you back here and in my bed."

He grabbed hold of her and whispered the last sentence in her ear, causing her to wretch and shiver.

"Now, I am only going to ask you this once."

As she was shaking, she had no means of holding onto the key and Claude easily slipped it out of her hand.

"I love you. Do you love me?"

This was a bargain and had he not once told her that love did not entail bargains? She wanted to look him straight in the eye and ask him something.

"Do you love me, or do you just love the idea of me?"

She wanted to ask him that, but her mouth was too stunned and would not cooperate with her brain.

"N…y..m…maybe."

It was a coward's answer and Claude saw right through it.

"Perhaps you need time to think about such an offer. I will give you the rest of tonight to sleep on it, but I want an answer first thing tomorrow morning."

With that he withdrew from the bed, placed the key on his desk next to her amulet and went back to reading. She placed her head down on the pillow, refusing to look at him. And then she heard a light "plop" on the ground. She looked to see what had fallen; it was her amulet. Claude had tossed it down to her and she smiled.

"I am 'Esmeralda.'"

She whispered, knowing what her answer would be. She fastened the amulet back around her neck and decided to get some much needed sleep.

That night she dreamt of only one thing; Phoebus. She was waiting for him on the Pont Saint Micheal as she did the night of their rendez-vous. He walked over to her in a gallant manner full of charlatan glory. And then they were in the little room, he was planning on taking her most valuable possession and she was plotting something of her own. His arms snaked around her waist, their lips crashed together and in the midst of all the 'romance' she reached for her dagger. She placed her arm around his neck, as to caress his hair, but the hand that held the dagger ran against his cheek. She made sure she used all of her strength in that one slice. He had built his reputation on being handsome and she wanted to ruin that reputation. The wound was quiet deep. He reached up in shock to see what had happened and saw blood in his hand. He had taken her beauty, so now she was taking his. While he was still in shock of what had happened, she reached up and carved another slice into his other cheek…but this time the cut was vertical. She could feel the blood drip from him onto her lovely hands. And then outside of the dream she felt a hand shaking her shoulder.

"Esmeralda it's morning."

She woke, startled not to see the captain leaning over her with blood oozing from every pore. She wanted it to be real, she wanted to make him ugly just as he had made her ugly in her own eyes. But she could never go through with such an act.

"It wasn't real?"

She asked, looking up at Claude.

"What wasn't real?"

Claude was confused.

"I had a dream that Phoebus and I were alone together and he ran his face along my dagger."

At hearing the captain's name, Claude cringed, but at hearing what she had dreamt about he almost chuckled.

"Have you made your decision?"

He tried to keep a stern tone and straight face.

"No. No I have not yet made my decision."

Claude thought a moment about her dream. He could deliver that to her, give her what she wanted. He would show her just how willing he was to give her anything she desired. That would surely make her love him.

"I will be back by noon."

It was the usual routine, but this time Esmeralda did not hear the familiar click of the door locking. She stood and rushed to check, indeed the door was not locked! She threw the door open, then swung it closed again. This was her freedom staring her in the face and she should have been pleased. But she wasn't. She reopened the door and stood there, staring into the stair well. The decision became clear to her, when she heard that familiar sound of hooves.


	12. Chapter 12

There is Nothing to Decide…

Recap of chap 1: Phoebus "deflowers" Esmeralda and she doesn't enjoy it.

Recap of chap 2: A cloaked figure brings Esmeralda to a strange place and comforts her…and then tells her he loves her and she faints.

Recap of chap 3: Esmeralda finds out a little about the man she is now with.

Recap of chap 4: Esmeralda begins a sort of introspection, thinking about the men that have been in her life. She begins pondering the intentions of this new man and makes a decision about him.

Recap of chap 5: Claude confesses what he has done to Esmeralda. Esmeralda attempts suicide.

Recap of chap 6: Esmeralda having a major epiphany about her own sexuality.

Recap of 7: Esmeralda blames Claude for not stopping Phoebus. More of Esmeralda's epiphany. She decides to see just how far she can take things with Claude without going all the way. She discovers how she can use him, but then things go wrong.

Recap of chap 8: Claude gives Esmeralda a grand speech about love and Esmeralda begins wondering what type of girl she is.

Recap of chap 9: Esmeralda still wondering what type of girl she is and wonders how Claude can love her now that she is no longer pure. Claude overhears Phoebus talking with Jehan and relays what he overhears to Esmeralda.

Recap of chap 10: Esmeralda sees Phoebus again…make that Esmeralda sees Phoebus with Fleur-De-Lys and she becomes enraged. Claude really begins seeing Esmeralda as a scared little girl. Esmeralda wants to be who she was before and questions why she ever "loved" Phoebus in the first place. Jehan pops in for a visit.

Recap of chap 11: Esmeralda decides to completely discard her old self and has a tiny identity crisis. Claude finally asks her to make a decision regarding her love for him. Esmeralda has a dream…Phoebus haters will like this dream.

Summary for chap 12: Esmeralda makes her decision…sort of. While praying, Claude has two VERY graphic/VERY violent reveries. Claude has a bit of a confrontation with our least favorite captain. Esmeralda gives Claude an ultimatum.

Please note: This chapter contains some very graphic and violent sequences. If you are opposed to graphic violence, then skip over this chapter.

For now this is the last chapter.

Thank you to all of my reviewers.

* * *

It had only been a few minutes, but it had felt like an eternity. She finally decided to close the door. Rushing down and calling Phoebus out in front of that little blonde thing beside him would do no good. She could imagine it now; her running to him begging for his mercy, demanding that he tell her he loved her and telling the hussy next to him exactly what he had done. The damsel next to him would think it a joke and laugh and Phoebus too would laugh. The two would be on their merry way and Esmeralda would be left standing in the street, head down and looking sullen.

She also imagined following Claude, catching up to him and looking him directly in the eyes. He would catch her, take hold of her and bring her into a warm embrace. He would want her answer and she would give him her answer, if only she knew what it was.

She sighed, knowing that no matter what her answer would be, it had no happy ending for either of them. She could turn it all around and give him part of what he wanted…that part being the part of the bargain she wanted. But then she would be a harlot and unlike harlots, she actually did feel something for Claude.

"But then what if he changes his mind after that? What if that is all he really wants?"

Tears blurred her vision and she no longer knew what to think about herself.

"And then, what if no matter what I do I am still a harlot?"

She stood up again and this time she opened the door with confidence in her decision. She took one step, then another and soon she was at the bottom of the stairs.

As Esmeralda made her way across the floor of the cathedral, admiring it for it's stained glass windows and awe inspiring statues Claude was elsewhere inside the cathedral praying. Or at least that is what he had meant to do. Somewhere he had gotten lost in thought and sometime ago he too had heard the hooves noisily beating the ground. They had thrown him off course and now, instead of prayer the only thought on his mind was how good it would feel to bring that pompous popinjay captain to justice!

* * *

"I would casually invite him into one of the private cloisters…"

Claude's mind conjured up the image of him beckoning the captain to follow him.

"Captain a colleague and I having a discussion about women and I need your assistance in making a point."

He would test the tip of a dagger in his cassock's sleeve and he would welcome Phoebus into the cathedral and usher him away from the public eye.

"So where is this colleague you were speaking of and what point did you need assistance in making?"

Phoebus would sneer and Claude would ready himself for the act he was about to commit. Claude would first slide the blade along the wall, causing it to make a treacherous sound! The captain would turn swiftly to see what was going on and Claude would lay into him. He would begin by carving into one cheek. The wound would be deep, too deep to ever heal from. Claude would puncture directly into Phoebus' mouth and carve the flesh away from the bone, flicking it onto the ground. Phoebus' face would be covered in never ending rushes of blood and Claude would laugh! He would take the most sincere delight in taking the captain's most valuable procession from him as he had delighted in taking Esmeralda's virtue. Claude would over power the young man and from behind he could see himself crudely removing the mustache from Phoebus' lip. The raw and exposed flesh, the blood curdling screams and the red, sticky mass that was now Phoebus' once beautiful face would seem heaven sent to Claude. And while Claude had hold of the captain's neck, he would glide his dagger up to the bridge of the young man's nose. In one slice it too would be on the floor, beside his discarded cheek leaving a cavity behind. That is all the captain's face would be, one giant cavity. He would be more disgusting to the girl than Quasimodo! Claude began to laugh out loud when he realized that this was not the most horrendous part of his plan; he would force the captain up the stairs to see the sweet damsel he had wronged. She would surely enjoy seeing him.

"Now captain, behind this door is a lovely young woman who loved you deeply once. She wishes to have a word with you and you had better listen to every word she has to say! Treat her words, as they are your only means of survival, as they are. You will apologize to her and if she does not accept your apology, then I will allow her the honor of deciding your fate."

He would want Esmeralda to have the satisfaction of dealing the last blow! But no, she was loving and kind and all things good in the world. There was no need for blood to be on her hands.

* * *

"She would hate me then."

Claude muttered.

"Yet there must be a way to quicken her decision."

He attempted going back to prayer, but his mood was not interested in talking to God right now.

* * *

For all intensive purposes she was attracted to him. That was a fact Claude was certain of. He noticed her from time to time gazing into his eyes. She always seemed memorized by them and God only knew why! To him they were just slate gray eyes…slate gray eyes which found their way to her. It was their fault! Had they stayed on the book, where they were supposed to have stayed in the first place nothing would have ever happened. Esmeralda would have just been some girl and nothing more, just an annoying girl. But they had locked onto her and she was a sight to behold!

"Without them I would never have to look at her again! If I do not see her, she cannot be beautiful and if she is not beautiful, then I will not want. Problem solved!"

Claude was so gleeful upon jumping to this conclusion. He would pick up his dagger and without hesitation he would plunge it into his eyeball. There would be searing pain, but it would be worth it if it bought him his freedom. He would yank the dagger with the eyeball attached to the tip out. He would cut the muscle and let the first one drop to the floor. He would repeat this a second time and then rush up, groping his way to his cell to see if indeed the experiment was a success!

* * *

She loved his eyes and perhaps she would not love him if he were to discard them. But he was ready to if it solved the problem. He sighed, vexed that he could no longer pray. And then the thought of his own eye looking up at him frightened and disgusted him. He cringed and left the cloister.

Esmeralda had made it outside, but still clung to the doorway as a means of support. From here she could see Phoebus and the little blonde girl next to him.

Claude had made his way up to his cell without turning around and ambushing the captain and without any self mutilation. The door was open and she was gone. Claude looked around to see if she may be hiding.

"Esmeralda?"

After about ten minutes or so he decided to sit down on the bed and wait for her. He had not prepared for this moment, the moment when she decided to leave. He took up one of the pillows and it smelled like her; spices, lavender, roses and some unknown scent unique to her. That was the scent he loved the most! He ran his hand along the mattress and the sheets, tracing where she used to lie. She was gone and these things no longer had a use. But where had she gone? In a panic Claude looked out over the balustrade thinking that perhaps seeing Phoebus a third time, parading in front of her with another girl had been her undoing. Surely a crowd would have gathered, but there was no crowd and Claude thanked God that Esmeralda was not a lifeless corpse. He slowly went back over and sat on her bed once more, allowing his own tears to bathe his cheeks. He had once wanted to be rid of her and now she was gone. He needed her to be here, crying, screaming, cursing him, hating him! He needed her to scream out in rage that she loved him! God how many times had he watched her sleep in this bed and now he would no more!

Esmeralda looked on as Phoebus and the young girl laughed. She was admiring his armor, his hair, his eyes. His eyes had seemed dead up until now. She saw a smile in his eyes, as he gave her flowers and complimented her beauty. She in turn blushed and allowed him to kiss her hand. Esmeralda felt her knees quake and wobble. Unable to hold herself up any longer, she allowed her body to collapse in a pool next to the door. She could hear every word he was saying to the girl.

"We will be married soon and you will be the happiest girl in all of France!"

Esmeralda searched for some sign of engagement and on the girl's pale left ring finger sat a diamond ring. A weight had been placed over Esmeralda and it was crushing every bone in her body, making it difficult to breathe. The last sensation she felt were tears dropping onto her hands.

"Phoebus…"

He had seen her! He had rushed to her side. It was after all his duty to assist a lovely damsel in distress. Claude had rushed out of the cathedral in time to see her limp body in the captain's arms. In a blind fury Claude marched over and snatched the girl from Phoebus' hands.

"And just what do you think you are doing with her captain!"

It was completely rhetorical, but being the man that he was Phoebus felt obliged to reply.

"Another one of your experiments Archdeacon?"

The captain threw his head back in laughter.

"She had Sanctuary."

He stated, as though that would make a difference. Claude watched the captain turn to leave with his fiancée and a thought occurred to him.

"Does she not look familiar captain?"

Claude placed Esmeralda's body down gently. He wished for no injury to ever befall her and this duel of words could quickly become physical.

"The dancer with the goat…Similar I think they call her."

Phoebus gave Claude a smug grin and turned to leave once more.

"Captain."

Claude had drawn his cowl up to hide his face and as Phoebus turned around he recognized the man. This sent shivers down the proud captain's spine. But remembering that this man was a priest, Phoebus became bold once again and stepped close enough for only Claude to hear.

"Any man would have done the same."

Phoebus chuckled and then retreated with Fleur-De-Lys in toe.

Claude spun around and lifted his sleeping prize into his arms. Once in his cell he placed her down onto the bed and felt for her pulse. He worried that Phoebus had done something to her, or that she at last did succeed in taking her own life.

"Leave it to her to die as dramatically as possible."

He thought, rolling his eyes. He felt a few thumps against his fingers and sighed relieved that she was alive. Her lips moved and Claude placed his ear close to them, hoping to hear her decision.

"When will I stop hating myself?"

It was a dry and cracked voice which held the blunt and emotionless question. And for once, as much knowledge as he held Claude had no answer. She had come to terms and stopped hating Phoebus, but now her new adversary faced her in the mirror on a daily basis. She wanted to be "Esmeralda" again, but had lost the ability to be her. Maybe "Esmeralda" wasn't supposed to be only one part of her, but now she needed to know what being "Esmeralda" encompassed.

"I haven't made my decision yet, because I want you to make one."

She sat up, ignoring Claude's protests.

"I will say yes to letting you have me, but only if you never tell me that you love me. I do not want love to have anything to do with that. Or I will love you, but you will never be able to have your way with me. Love and that are not the same and if you can prove to me that you love me without that, then perhaps in time I will be ready for that."

Claude could not believe his ears. Was she turning this all around on him? He knew she was. He could only stand there flabbergasted that she would ask him what his decision was. He wanted all of her.

"No more bargains! No more compromises! Answer me! Do you love me?"

Esmeralda took a long while to it over and in Claude's mind her decision should have been an easy one.

"Before I give you an answer, you must answer my question."

Exasperated, Claude nodded in agreement.

"Would you still love me if we never did that?"

She looked into his eyes and saw all the torment, the passion and fear. Those gray eyes, which reflected the sun and dispersed its rays in thousands of directions taking on new colors grew blank and then pained. Every ounce of light seemed to scurry away, afraid of what would come next. But instead of yelling or crawling to her in desperation, he was silent. At length tears sprung from his eyes, but he did nothing to wipe them away. He stood motionless, like a statue, letting her words play out in his head. She was allowing him to decide whether or not he wanted to be like the captain. In some twisted way he wanted the bravado and the pride that went along with being Phoebus as long as it got him Esmeralda, but he could see in her eyes that she didn't want him to be anything like the captain.

"This must end! Will I forever be chasing after your heart, or if I tell you that I love you will you love me?"

His eyes hardened as he asked her this.

"I do love you."

She looked down, tears in her eyes as she whispered.

At these words Claude sat down to comfort her. He placed one arm around her shoulders and let her lean into him as they both sobbed. Now began the days that would be Heaven sent and plights into Hell. For her, telling him that she loved him was giving him the permission to hurt her; she had given him her heart and she knew that he could easily break it. This wasn't a compromise…it was a truce.


	13. Chapter 13

Author's Note.

* * *

Hey all you readers out there in Fanfiction land! I have decided to continue this story for one more chapter…the epilogue. This final chapter will not be attached to this story though. Instead I have decided to place it in the "Mature" section as it will include some explicit and graphic sexual content. If you are offended by sexual content, then please do not read the epilogue entitled "When You Walk Away I Count The Steps That You Take…" Just read the final chapter and leave it at that. I do feel compelled though to tell you what you will be missing.

Esmeralda finally comes to terms with who she is and gives herself to Claude.

She hears horse hooves and goes to confront Phoebus.

While she is out Claude decides that things can never be better than they are now and does something drastic to keep things the way they are.

For those of you who choose to stop reading after chapter 12 thank you for reading and for those who have reviewed I cannot thank you enough. For those who continue reading, thank you and review.


	14. Chapter 14

Author's Note.

The final chapter for "I Am No Longer A Child" is now up in the "M" section and is entitled, "When You Walk Away I Count The Steps That You Take…" Thanks to all who have read/reviewed. If you have any reservations or are just plain disgusted/offended at the idea of Claude and Esmeralda getting it on in a graphic way, then please do not read the final chapter. I tried to give the pair a happyish ending, but at the same time I wanted it to be realistic and true to Claude's character…let's face it, if you look mentally unstable up in the dictionary Oxford and Webster reference him.


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